On Suffering the Oppression of Desire

There is no escaping desire— it is a daily occurrence. Desire is inherently suffering. Even “life-affirming” philosophers agree on this point—such as Kierkegaard in his magnum opus, Either/Or. The desire is a pain to motivate one into obtaining the object of that desire. To want what one does not possess causes a longing, which grows more painful the longer that the desire be denied.

Every day has inherent desire for the needs such as sleep and food. This is exacerbated by the suffering of obtaining the base needs. Further still, this desire becomes a chore that must be attended daily. Like Chinese water torture, these desires slowly erode an empty chasm into the soul, where nothing may fill this void. It is a ritual offering thrown down in a vain attempt to slow the deepening of this emptiness.

Yet these desires do not encompass all hours of the day. When these are attenuated, a new desire to cease boredom arises which leads to other desires. Yet these desires, in their fleeting and fickle nature, are often stronger than the necessities. As if Life were not cruel enough, these desired are also the hardest to obtain. Companionship, understanding, being understood or even quite simply to enjoy oneself. A task even more heinously sinister, for it must not simply raise up the spirit as from the ground, but must first overcome the depth to which it has fallen into the chasm.

Eventually, one continues to backslide ever more into the chasm. Engaging the desires quickly beings to lose its effectiveness, and they all become futile efforts to delay the inevitable. They can never truly be fulfilled, continuously returning each day as painful as before, with exponentially decreasing satisfaction on every repetition of the cycle.

One desire—more illogical than any other—is the search for meaning in an ultimately cold, indifferent, meaningless universe. This desire will never be fulfilled and causes the greatest suffering of all. It is the cornerstone for many of the life-affirming philosophers, the basic drive meant to keep one going. The desire for life and living, particularly of good life and living, is the most painful and most impossible to satiate.

There is only one desire which can ever be truly and permanently fulfilled, ending all suffering… to put to rest all other desires. It is the desire to let go and fall into the void—the desire for Death.

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If the Universe Were Sentient

A man called out to the universe and it actually answered back to him. He said:
“I am thoroughly done with this thing called life”.

The universe asked him what was wrong and he responded:
“What is the point in living in a world without meaning? Even if I were to have the happiest, most joyful life of any man, I will eventually die and all that I experienced would be for nought. Why waste time delaying the inevitable when there is no inherent meaning to life?”

The universe was not satisfied that even one person would not want life and decided to bargain with him, offering the man immortality with eternal youth along with a guarantee that he would never be harmed and would never have to work to sustain his life. The man responded:
“Why would I ever want such a thing? Eventually, I will achieve everything there is—I will learn all things, I will try all things and succeed in all things. I will grow bored and will have done all there is to do and experienced all there is to experience except death. I would be perpetually bored, waiting to witness the end of all things, and then must exist in nothingness”.

The universe became disturbed at the notions of what this man was saying. It began to question what it had done and why it allowed for sentience to begin. Then it thought about how equally pointless would be a life without sentience, even if it was more free of pain. The universe then fell into a pit of depression and curled into the foetal position, crushing itself under its own weight until finally, everything reached a point that was very nearly a singularity. The pressure became to great at this point and the universe screamed out across the nothingness, to repeat once more the meaningless cycle of pain and suffering.

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Fäulni’scheißemenschen: Ego Frailty

If you are nothing without something, then you were never very much to begin with.

When something is so ingrained into one’s ego, anything that even seemingly threatens that thing also threatens to shatter the ego along with it… and I can think of nothing more fragile than the human ego. When one becomes their purpose or cause, and if having only one, threatening that cause by simply even not agreeing with it is taken as a personal attack that they feel they must defend. The result is often a knee-jerk emotional response that lacks any semblance of sound reason.

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„Porträt meiner Innerste‟

(2014, July) „Porträt meiner Innerste‟

(2014, July) „Porträt meiner Innerste‟ [ash, oil and blood on canvas]

*Translation: “Portrait of my [Inner-self]”. Innerste doesn’t directly translate to English, but it means… “the deepest area in the inner-experience of being”.

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Awaiting the End

Were I even able to find happiness in my dreams, I would sleep forever. No, even in repose do I find no rest for me. I close my eyes and the best I can hope is to wake without remembering any of the horrors I suffer in my mind. Death, I certainly hope, is not an eternal rest. I would much prefer it to be a permanent end, an assimilation into nothingness where pain dwells no more.

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When we are born: we are thrust into the world, screaming in pain and confusion. What a perfect omen for what is to come…

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Aside: Philosophical Consultation

I have decided to offer, free of charge, philosophical consultation. There are a number of philosophical journals out there, some even have calls for papers (usually newer upstarts). Many philosophy courses, particularly upper-level, are also primarily driven by papers. There are also independent studies courses in many philosophy majors and minors. Should any of you be interested in submitted papers to journals or are writing papers for a course, or even just writing on your own, I am offering consultation free of charge. This applies to anyone interested writing in any style, even if your philosophical ideas are a polar opposite of my own. Business philosophy and personal philosophy (non-written, like objective statements or mission statements) as well.

What I mean by consultation is not that I will write your papers for you. Essentially, I can review your papers for: soundness of argument, logical fallacies, adherence to a particular school of thought (required for various assignments and journals), effectiveness of argumentation, unnecessary information, clarity, help with terminology, etc. I can also tell you what your opponents/detractors will likely use as argumentation against your work. I can even provide pertinent information and philosophical works or ideas to help support your argumentation. I can also provide hermeneutic translations of German philosophical works that maintain the original meaning in English with clarity and structural soundness (as often these translations are quite poor; I once wrote a paper and was citing Heidegger’s “Being and Time” and the translation was so bad that I had to translate the relevant text myself. These translations are limited to German and Austrian works only, I cannot translate Swiss German or old High German.

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Aside: Thomas Ligotti

The horror genre tends to be very unhorrifying. Mostly, it has become tales of blood & gore, and things that leap from the shadows to yell “boo!”. Why then is Thomas Ligotti such a masterful writer in this genre? Because his works are truly horror—they are horrific and inspire horror, not suspenseful and cheap scare and shock tactics. They lack such elements because these elements are artificial in modern human life. For what could be more horrific than real life itself and the sentient awareness of it?

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Aside: Sleepless

In this moment, I am at peace. All desire has fled from me, and I care no longer for anything. I have no desire for the basic pleasures of the flesh, or stimulation of the mind. Contentedly empty, wholly indifferent—to die in my sleep tonight would be a perfect end, because I would hate tomorrow if I woke and all of the Sehnsucht, pain and desire returned.

Unfortunately, I know I will have no such luck. The dread of waking and the return is now preventing my sleep. Such rare serenity wasted on sleep is a shame, no doubt… but waiting until the ills of existence return is a dreadful thought and they will surely rob me of sleep then. I rather would lie down my head in the quiet than the noise of the calamity of life.

Fate has fêted my demise since the moment of my conception, and She will continue to place the impasses into my path that allow neither happiness or death.

And here still I am awake, sleep far from my grasp.

The impetus of desire stands as a rekoning of Life, preventing me ever to be free from Her howls and claws. Enslaved by this imposition, even the torpor preceeding sleep is a burden.

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Aphorism 1

Considering the unarguable validity of Antinatalism, it is no wonder people are often that, when the reality of having a child sets in, people often quite depressed and suffer immense despair. That they still have children in spite of such evidence and refuse the reality of such a heinous imposition, even the fact that not wanting children would be so vehemently opposed by society, is understandable by way of a simple simile:

The calls from “Mother Nature” or the proverbial “biological clock” are like that of a person holding a gun to your head, demanding that you cut off your own legs.

It is no wonder that many would not risk the gun being empty and decide to hinder themselves and their life in order to rid themselves of the oppressive demands of the gunman. Society may hold this gun to my head as long as it may wish, for I will never have a child of my own. And considering what a massive burden life is, they might as well pull the trigger.

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